12-19-2022, 05:38 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-19-2022, 07:02 PM by Etafive. Edited 3 times in total.)
-1
Im not sure how people are calling this creative.... It isn't. Yeah, there are not any brazilian factions but it really just seems like this guy is desperate to run his own faction. Furthermore, the 'story' of this faction is the most cliche I have ever seen. Erase brazilian and you got yourself another italian faction.
I have nothing against this guy, but I do not understand the comments calling this faction idea creative and unique because it really is not. I feel like this would exist for a week before collapsing in on itself as people get bored of acting like a bunch of Brazilians'
For an application that "took a lot of time to make" I saw in a quick glance like twelve typos and grammatical errors. This was clearly organized in 30 minutes.
I even took the time to grade this paragraph.... Again, its clear that this guy took no more than 5 minutes to write this up:
Born in the slums of a brazilian (Brazilian should be capitalized as it is a proper noun) town going from paycheck to paycheck living off of crops we realized it was time for a change. We were not sure where we wanted to go at first but we all knew it was gonna (Gonna is not an actual word...) be a time to move on. (The sentence "It was gonna be a time to move on" does not make sense) So we scraped together every little bit of money and valuables we could find , we (There is not space before a comma) also stole from the rich in our town. (Your town is both super poor and super rich? Okay.) Anything we could get our hands on we took, (A comma is not needed here. But it doesn't matter because this sentence is tramendiously choppy.) to help us get the money we needed to travel with ("to travel with" is redundant, we know you are traveling to America.) to build a new life. After months of saving up it was time. (<-- These two sentences are unnecessary -->) We had more than enough money to travel to and from just about anywhere we wanted. But we had a special place in mind and that place was none other than the united states of america (The United States of America is a proper noun. It is the name of a country and thus should always be capitalized.). We wanted to live what the locals (Im being picky here, sure, but it is unclear who the 'locals' are.) call the “American Dream” so we packed our bags and bought our tickets and off to the usa ( A general rule of thumb is that whenever you introduce something by a specific name, in this case 'United States of America,' you will continue to use that title throughout your work. Therefore, usa, which again should be capitalized, is incorrect.) we went. We were heading straight to New York. We wanted to experience the city and New York seemed to be a perfect choice for us. (This just comes out of no where and is unesessary) We took one step off that boat and took a deep breath of the warm (I get you were trying to be descriptive here, however there is no prior insinuation that New York at this time is warm by any means.) New York air and we knew we made the right choice. We had never seen as much life as this city had lights everywhere, girls as far as the eye can see, and most important part of all (No comma here, use a colon instead) : freedom to do whatever we wanted when we wanted. (There should be a few commas here as this is a list you are forming.) The overall amount of freedom at first was almost overbearing (overbearing means to be unpleasantly domineering, use the word 'overwhelming' instead.) their (wrong form. It should be 'there') was so much new for us to see and experience. But we all knew it was time to make some money. We began robbing the day we walked in the city and the way it looked i (This I should be capitalized but im sure you were just typing way to fast..) don't really ever see us stopping our criminal ways anytime soon it's all we have ever known. (This just seems really inhuman... Why exactly would a bunch of immigrants start immediately committing crimes for no reason. I get its because they wanted to make money but it does not make any rational sense.) We began over months of robbing and other various crimes that ultimately lead to us meeting tons of new people along the way (Want to name some? Probably the most vague sentence yet.) we had quite the little group of criminals and from that day on we went under a name for us and that name was none other than (try another phrase, you used "none other than" twice in one paragraph.) the Rivais Mortos. Nothing means more to us than our members (In your post this does not end in a period, which is just lazy. Also, like some other statements in your paragraph here, this comes out of no where. Why does nothing mean more to you than your members? According to this you guys only cared about committing crime.)
I'm sorry but this faction seems like nothing more than a bunch of people who want to commit crimes. The story is lazy and full of errors. Just because he took an hour to make it does not mean that it is quality work. If I take twelve hours to write a novel and the novel is shit, then the novel is shit even though it took me a long time to produce.
Im not sure how people are calling this creative.... It isn't. Yeah, there are not any brazilian factions but it really just seems like this guy is desperate to run his own faction. Furthermore, the 'story' of this faction is the most cliche I have ever seen. Erase brazilian and you got yourself another italian faction.
I have nothing against this guy, but I do not understand the comments calling this faction idea creative and unique because it really is not. I feel like this would exist for a week before collapsing in on itself as people get bored of acting like a bunch of Brazilians'
For an application that "took a lot of time to make" I saw in a quick glance like twelve typos and grammatical errors. This was clearly organized in 30 minutes.
I even took the time to grade this paragraph.... Again, its clear that this guy took no more than 5 minutes to write this up:
Born in the slums of a brazilian (Brazilian should be capitalized as it is a proper noun) town going from paycheck to paycheck living off of crops we realized it was time for a change. We were not sure where we wanted to go at first but we all knew it was gonna (Gonna is not an actual word...) be a time to move on. (The sentence "It was gonna be a time to move on" does not make sense) So we scraped together every little bit of money and valuables we could find , we (There is not space before a comma) also stole from the rich in our town. (Your town is both super poor and super rich? Okay.) Anything we could get our hands on we took, (A comma is not needed here. But it doesn't matter because this sentence is tramendiously choppy.) to help us get the money we needed to travel with ("to travel with" is redundant, we know you are traveling to America.) to build a new life. After months of saving up it was time. (<-- These two sentences are unnecessary -->) We had more than enough money to travel to and from just about anywhere we wanted. But we had a special place in mind and that place was none other than the united states of america (The United States of America is a proper noun. It is the name of a country and thus should always be capitalized.). We wanted to live what the locals (Im being picky here, sure, but it is unclear who the 'locals' are.) call the “American Dream” so we packed our bags and bought our tickets and off to the usa ( A general rule of thumb is that whenever you introduce something by a specific name, in this case 'United States of America,' you will continue to use that title throughout your work. Therefore, usa, which again should be capitalized, is incorrect.) we went. We were heading straight to New York. We wanted to experience the city and New York seemed to be a perfect choice for us. (This just comes out of no where and is unesessary) We took one step off that boat and took a deep breath of the warm (I get you were trying to be descriptive here, however there is no prior insinuation that New York at this time is warm by any means.) New York air and we knew we made the right choice. We had never seen as much life as this city had lights everywhere, girls as far as the eye can see, and most important part of all (No comma here, use a colon instead) : freedom to do whatever we wanted when we wanted. (There should be a few commas here as this is a list you are forming.) The overall amount of freedom at first was almost overbearing (overbearing means to be unpleasantly domineering, use the word 'overwhelming' instead.) their (wrong form. It should be 'there') was so much new for us to see and experience. But we all knew it was time to make some money. We began robbing the day we walked in the city and the way it looked i (This I should be capitalized but im sure you were just typing way to fast..) don't really ever see us stopping our criminal ways anytime soon it's all we have ever known. (This just seems really inhuman... Why exactly would a bunch of immigrants start immediately committing crimes for no reason. I get its because they wanted to make money but it does not make any rational sense.) We began over months of robbing and other various crimes that ultimately lead to us meeting tons of new people along the way (Want to name some? Probably the most vague sentence yet.) we had quite the little group of criminals and from that day on we went under a name for us and that name was none other than (try another phrase, you used "none other than" twice in one paragraph.) the Rivais Mortos. Nothing means more to us than our members (In your post this does not end in a period, which is just lazy. Also, like some other statements in your paragraph here, this comes out of no where. Why does nothing mean more to you than your members? According to this you guys only cared about committing crime.)
I'm sorry but this faction seems like nothing more than a bunch of people who want to commit crimes. The story is lazy and full of errors. Just because he took an hour to make it does not mean that it is quality work. If I take twelve hours to write a novel and the novel is shit, then the novel is shit even though it took me a long time to produce.
x2
x3