02-25-2023, 12:01 AM
+/- Your faction seems alright, but the backstory is a little hard to follow, I would suggest going back over it and trying to simplify some things, because there's a lot of repetition, and it starts to get a little hard to read towards the end.
On top of that, the story seems a little typical, like there isn't much to see. A young Russian thug goes to prison, and eventually ends up in New York to try again. While there isn't anything wrong with that, it is not particularly interesting.
You're basically making the "Hot-Headed fat Italian mob boss," but in the Russian version. I recommend trying to think of some unique motivation or backstory, something that will make people wonder what you will do, because right now, it's no big mystery.
On top of that, the story seems a little typical, like there isn't much to see. A young Russian thug goes to prison, and eventually ends up in New York to try again. While there isn't anything wrong with that, it is not particularly interesting.
You're basically making the "Hot-Headed fat Italian mob boss," but in the Russian version. I recommend trying to think of some unique motivation or backstory, something that will make people wonder what you will do, because right now, it's no big mystery.